I think it’s safe to say we all go through times in our life when we feel down in the dumps physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally. I know I do. So it’s during those times that we need to love ourselves most. And I suggest giving ourselves a love makeover!
The makeover shows on television inspire me. I love watching men and women go through some form of transformation because, the reality is, change is possible! My favorite part is watching the people come out on stage, their faces glowing, their countenances radiating as they proudly show off their “after” look.
Just this past weekend, I had the honor of witnessing the real life makeover of a friend. For the sake of anonymity, we’ll call her Faye. Faye is in her early fifties, a successful career woman, strong, outspoken, kind, easy going, sensitive, a selfless human being, and a caregiver.
Recently, Faye’s been experiencing increased anxiety, depression and feelings of defeat. With all that’s been going on in her life, she’s been battling a loss of control over her emotions, her physical body and her mental state. Sound familiar? I think most of us can relate.
So my saint of a friend, Maria, suggested we take Faye to a spa so she could beautify herself. It turned out to be a wonderful idea. Faye walked into the spa looking weathered, unsure of herself, and scared. After she got her hair cut, colored, blow-dried and styled, and had some light makeup applied, Faye was a whole new woman. She now walked and talked with confidence, smiled bigger and no longer shied away from cameras. Faye exclaimed, “This is exactly what I needed!” Faye gave herself a love makeover that day.
A few weeks ago, I finished reading Dr. Gary Chapman’s #1 New York Times bestseller, “The 5 Love Languages.” It is a fantastic read and I highly recommend it. Although the target audience for Dr. Chapman’s book is married couples, I feel even single people and unmarried couples can learn a great deal from his message.
Dr. Chapman explains that love is spoken in 5 languages: (1) Words of Affirmation (2) Quality Time (3) Acts of Service (4) Gifts and (5) Physical Touch. Dr. Chapman explains that when couples first begin a relationship, the love euphoria is so great it is capable of translating love gibberish. But once that love euphoria starts to wear off (commonly referred to as the end of the “honeymoon phase,” and usually lasts two years into a relationship), people’s love languages start to become more defined and articulate.
If individuals are not aware of their own love language(s) and if couples are not aware of each other’s love language(s), a disconnect forms. As if speaking in tongues, it becomes hard to communicate love with our partner, family members, friends and coworkers. Frustration starts to escalate, disappointment creeps in, and we begin to grow more distant from others. But once we identify the way in which we speak love and how our loved ones speak love — usually not in the same love language — our relationship between ourselves and with others becomes better understood and we can fall in love more deeply. If you read The 5 Love Languages, it’ll make a lot more sense. I rate it 5 stars!
Today my focus is to get you to love yourself in all five love languages, to give yourself the ultimate self-love makeover!
1) Words of Affirmation: Write down 10-20 things that you love about yourself and say them out loud to yourself every day over the next week.
2) Quality Time: Carve out 30-60 minutes every day to do something you really enjoy doing (eg. reading, painting, running, doing yoga, cooking, etc). Do this for yourself in week two.
3) Acts of Service: In week three, do something nice for yourself each day. For example, prepare yourself a cup of tea, make your bed in the morning if you like coming home to a made bed, write yourself a nice note before you go to bed, etc. Perform an act for yourself that normally a loved one would do for you.
4) Gifts: This may be financially difficult for some of you, but I suggest you love yourself within your means and budget. Buy something nice for yourself in week four — something you really had your eye on but just couldn’t bring yourself to buy because you thought you were being too selfish — or just something that would make you happy. Treat yourself to a gift. You deserve it!
5) Physical Touch: Relaxation takes place in week five. Take care of your physical needs. Every day in this final week of your love makeover, do something nice for your body — preferably something that involves physical touch. Some ideas might include: getting a body massage, treating yourself to a facial, massaging yourself, doing your hair, washing your hair twice in a day, wearing makeup, giving yourself a bubble bath, exercising, doing yoga or even something as simple as closing your eyes and taking a nap.
I hope that by the end of your five-week love makeover you feel more love for yourself because you deserve to be loved. And if you can, discover which love language you speak most fluently. The goal is to be aware of it yourself so that you can then communicate this to your loved ones so they will better understand how you speak love.
In Dr. Chapman’s words, the goal is to keep our “LOVE TANKS FULL.” XOXO